There is absolutely no doubt about what GOD wants us to do in this area:
Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
It doesn’t say “honour your father and mother IF you can or IF or as much as they deserve it”.
This is what the word of GOD does explicitly NOT say.
Well, I don’t know about you, but I personally have hardly met anyone who is completely happy with how they were raised – perhaps some people who are very mature in their walk with CHRIST have already mastered this task and are able to solely focus on the good their parents have given them, regardless of how much their parents have truly given them and regardless of how their parents have wronged them as well.
Me, I am very much a work in progress in this area.
Currently, I am visiting with my parents.
And we have some very, very, extremely dark areas in our past together.
And I believe I still could have much, much, much more “ought” against them than they could have against me, except that I have forgiven them a few years ago… something I would have never been able to had it not been with GOD’s help and had I not been “prompted” by GOD intensely and repeatedly to do so.
Prior to me being born again, I had no contact with my parents for many years.
And if you knew what they have done, I believe you would understand why I had never intended to see them again in my life (or first during their lives).
So the thing with forgiveness is that it is not only hard, but it is also something that gets tested every now and then.
I got tested today.
And a lot of the old grief and hurt came to the surface – and boy did I want to SPEAK, did I want to REACT and did I want to give a piece of my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And I managed to get through the situation somehow and I managed to keep quiet, at least to a very large degree, and I got away and I cried and cried and cried and
CRIED OUT TO GOD!!!!!!
I don’t even know how HE gave me the comfort and the ability to remain calm or to re-gain my calm somehow, like I said, I have no idea how…
What I do remember though is that it had to do with GOD.
With how we are constantly offending HIM and I managed to remember that.
AND how HE keeps forgiving us over and over and over again – and never, ever forsakes us or excludes us or rejects us.
And I have grown the FEAR OF THE LORD inside me.
I do not want to lose HIS favor.
For NO price.
YES, I still believe that they should be told and that they don’t deserve to be forgiven and that they are in the wrong and that they are even evil – yes, I will go as far to say that – or let me start honoring them as much as I can by taking back that I call them evil and by only saying that they have done some very evil things………to me….. often.
At the same time, their way of treating me, I will call it abuse, however, it all is part of where I am today.
Had I not been treated the way I have been treated – by them and by other people – I am not sure I would have been saved and born again today!
I believe this is true for most, if not for all of us.
Our pains and failures and struggles and defeats and crisis and disasters actually MAKE us.
They build our character.
They strengthen our spirit.
They intensify our walk and our intimacy with GOD – not only through going through similar issues HE went through when HE was here on earth, but also because HE is there with us all the time.
And in the end, the way they are treating us is not our problem, it is literally theirs.
THEY are the ones who will be held accountable for it.
And we will only add to our sins if we let them provoke us into reacting…. and they shouldn’t even have the power to decide if we fall into sin or not!
Me, I will do my best.
To forgive over and over.
To keep some sort of communication with them no matter what they do or say to me.
And also, I now live in a different country and due to Corona, who knows if I can even travel there a lot, and even if I could, that doesn’t mean I have to!
I have a life now where they are far away and a phone call once a week is something I can do and I can do it with love.
And I will.
Others have to endure much more from parents or in-laws.
Again, I will do my best.
I will do my best to carry my cross.
And to wish them well….
There is also other family involved and none of the issues we have is their fault.
I will do my best to remember that.
And also, they are old now…
I am doing my best.
And I know that MY FATHER sees me.
I know that HE helped me today and that HE will help me always and that HE honors my efforts and that HE will reward me – regardless of if they do or don’t (and the latter is much more likely than the former).
I mean, I work with criminals every day as a full time job – I wouldn’t even ever call them criminals, I call them “my guys” or “my clients”, but this is to prove that I can be completely non-judgemental and calm.
Of course, it is a lot easier when I have not been the offended one.
But I do have the ability to see the potential in people – otherwise I couldn’t do the job I do, not only working with people who have committed a crime, but also who have addictions – I CAN see the potential and the good in everyone!
PLUS I am absolutely aware that I am a sinner as well.
That NO ONE is without sin.
And I will do my best.
It is well.
I am a child of GOD.
A princess, a daughter of THE KING.
NOBODY can change that.
Not even my biological parents.
And I feel comforted by these thoughts and by the presence of GOD in my life and in my heart, so I thought I would share them and perhaps you, my friend, can find some comfort in these thoughts as well.
Dear friends, I did some more research on the internet and in the bible and also inspired by the comment of my dear brother below, and I came across this ministry where what experts call a “scapegoat daughter of a narcissistic mother” deals with forgiveness and reconciliation versus no contact.
I found this video helpful, perhaps you’d like to check it out if you are dealing with similar issues – here is the link:
I hope and pray that this will inspire, encourage, heal and bless you.
And that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life, that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you, and bring you PEACE. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.
2 thoughts on “To honor our parents”
Dear child let me remind you of what Jesus said: repent and your sins are forgiven, It also says in Luke 17:3 that only when there is repentance is there forgiveness.
If there is no accountability, the perpetrator will continue the abuse. Jesus would not like that.
Coming from an abusive family and taking care of a narcissist mother from Hell it took me a while to learn this.
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Thank you so much my dear brother.
I totally get the point and I will draw more and firmer boundaries towards the person / offender / perpetrator!
But the other one is ill and dying and I will also be considerate of them and their health.
By the way, the “theme” is also a narcissist here.
I know you know what this is like.
Thanks so much for the encouragement and the compassion and your very valued advice!
I appreciate you and your wisdom and I pray that GOD will comfort you as you comfort others, in JESUS’ name.
GOD bless you my dear brother.