Dear friends

Have you ever thought deeply about why people are wanting to or even going all the way with ending their own lives?

Me, I have just thought about it once again today.

In fact, there was a time in my life when I myself wanted to die and that time was not only at or around the day when I actually did try to kill myself, it had been starting long before that and it was still with me many, many years after I attempted to commit suicide.

In my job, I see people all the time who are trying to kill themselves and some of them even succeed. I believe there have been 8 suicides this year alone in the prison I work at. Fair enough, it is a big prison, very big, one of the biggest prisons in Western Europe, and many people are coming and going.

Some of the people who are feeling suicidal are my clients or I see them for other reasons, for instance for colleagues when they are absent and someone needs to see this person.

When it comes to talking about a recent suicide attempt or about current thoughts of harming or killing themselves, I am normally more frank and real with my own clients than with people whom I see for someone else or whom I see in a setting where I don’t see them regularly.

But what I tend to tell them all in one way or the other and in a more or less subtle way is that what they are currently going through is not worth dying over.


Who am I to decide what is worth losing their life over for another person?
And who am I to tell them that it will pass and that they will be able to create something better?

In my own case, I myself wanted to die when I was under supernatural, evil, satanic attack – day and night, 24/7 for many months at the time, and there was nothing I could do about it and I never imagined that I would be able to overcome this or find a remedy or a cure or I couldn’t even imagine that it would ever be over.
I felt powerless, helpless, hopeless.
I literally had no hope.
I could see no light at the end of the tunnel.
No end of this nightmare in sight, not even a tiny star on the horizon.

Well, I am still here as you can see.

And I have overcome a lot of the attacks and of all the satanic horror. In fact, to a degree that I would not have considered possible.
My life has changed from this hell on earth.
Changed for the better.
I am a survivor of satanic abuse.
My life has not yet transformed to a perfect life and it is not yet over completely and it has taken many, many years of learning and of GOD teaching me how to fight to get where I am today. Often times, I did think I wish I had died instead of going through what I have gone through. Many of you may not even know what I am talking about or what this feels like, whereas some of you may even have experienced worse trauma and horror in their lives…

However, for me – and I am sure for many people out there who have overcome some sort of horrific experiences – there has also been a level of learning, of revelation, of spiritual depth, of intimacy and closeness with GOD that I would not have been able to reach without my experiences.

I would not be who I am today without this, would not be able to help others the way I am today, would not be able to understand almost every problem, because I have been there in a similar way.
When I speak to clients in prison, they know that I know what I am talking about when I speak about ending your life or overcoming the worst things… they know that I can relate.

This journey and this retrospect and insights from working with clients has made me realize a few things

#1 Only when GOD is in your life and in your heart can you see the purpose of it all and the light at the end of the tunnel

#2 There is nothing you have messed up and ruined that GOD cannot use for your good and to teach you and prepare you and help you become a better version of yourself

#3 When we give up, it is often simply a lack of patience and had we waited just a little longer, we would have broke through

#4 in fact, that’s what I came to see the main and almost only recipe for failure, giving up too early – instead of continuing to fight, to pray, to press through and to keep asking and knocking – because it is already written in the book and in our destinies:
Because of what JESUS did for us, we HAVE the victory.
We HAVE health, we have wealth, we have knowledge and wisdom.
There is nothing and no one who can rob us of our blessings.
They are ours and have been for 2000 years now.
Someone who had been a lot more wise and spiritually advanced than I was at the time when the attacks started, an expert in spiritual warfare, might have laughed about my problem many years ago and might have thought “what does this little girl want to die over, a few witches causing a little commotion in her spirit, in her body and in her dreams”?
And they would have said to me “this is not worth losing your life over”.

This is the exact thing I am trying to teach my clients and yet, I am still learning myself…

Giving up is just not trying LONG enough.

We may have done everything and we may not have made a single mistake on the way.

The only missing piece, the only thing it may still take for us to get to our destination, to break through may be just to keep doing what we have been doing for ONE MORE DAY. Or for one more year…. or just be still and wait for THE LORD and let HIM bring it to us, our victory.

Which brings me back to a similar point than #1:

#5 without GOD and without faith, there can be no hope, no victory, no good report, no expected end, not breakthrough
Why is that?
Because we need to believe in what we cannot see.
Need to have hope in the midst of calamity, otherwise, we will always be overwhelmed by every frustration and crisis and major or minor catastrophe.
PLUS, there will be people who can help.
People who know more than we do.
People who have been through much bigger things than what we are facing right now.
People we can talk to.
People who can teach us how to overcome.
People who can pray with us and fight alongside of us.

People and powers.

Because one thing is for sure:

#6 NO problem or crisis or fight is earthly or worldly. EVERYTHING Is spiritual.
Everything friends.
And only when THE ONE AND ONLY GOD OF GODS, KING OF KINGS, the HOLY SPIRIT, THE SPIRIT OF SPIRITS, the creator of it all, the highest power in the entire universe, GOD ALMIGHTY, is on our side and with us can we even obtain victory.
Otherwise it is not even possible to be on the winning side.

I hope this will help someone.

I came to tell you, don’t give up!

And I am also constantly telling this to myself!

There were mountains which people considered unclimbable.
Until someone came and climbed them
What we are going through has an end.
It has a solution.
GOD is allowing this to happen to you and I so that we can learn and grow and so that HE can use you.

I know, there can be many “but”s and doubts and questions, but in the end, this is the TRUTH.

GOD is good and HE does not want us to perish or fail or be destroyed.

That’s not what HE died for.

And if we decide to die, to throw in the towel, to end the life HE has given us so that we can honor and glorify HIM and serve HIM, then we are mocking HIS sacrifice for us.

NOTHING is impossible for GOD

How about you my friend?
Have you experienced it, a breakthrough when you thought there would never be one?
Have you seen a new morning after the night was the darkest?
And would you like to tell us about it?

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