Behind it

Dear friends

what is it that you are seeking?

Someone said something to me last weekend, it was one of the guys helping me with my move, he said that we are all seeking heaven on earth.

Do you think this is true?

Is it true for you?

Or for anyone you know?

Me, I thought it was very true.

For me and for everyone I have ever met.

The clients I work with for instance, they are all struggling with substance misuse, otherwise they wouldn’t be my clients, as I am a Drug and Alcohol Worker.
I mean, that’s the most classical example of wanting to be in heaven, wanting to not be in this reality, but in a happier one, wanting to be ecstatic, relaxed, feel good about themselves, about their lives…
Not the best approach, but definitely seeking heaven – very clearly.

How about the other forms of seeking?

Spiritual seeking for instance?

I know I was seeking for so long and in so many ways and in all the wrong places – before I found JESUS.

I was seeking the truth and peace.

I had thought I had found it a few times… and then it turned out not to be lasting or not deep enough – and I had to seek on and on… was driven… wanted to learn more, find more… was hungry… until JESUS came and saved me.

I’ve said it many times, I have not experienced anything like the PEACE OF CHRIST and HIS TRUTH.

I am no longer seeking peace or truth.

I know I have found it.

There is nothing and no one who could take this knowing away from me.

Sometimes, I may not have the words that can describe it to someone who is still seeking… I am trying every time I write an article here, and I was trying when I spoke to that guy last weekend… he was so deeply entangled in occultic thoughts and at the same time, he wants to be good and do the right thing and he has it all twisted – like I had and perhaps many of you as well – before I found CHRIST.

But it also dawned on me that there is always something behind what we are searching.

Me for example.

I had not had safety in my life before I met THE LORD.

Like many of us westerners born in the 60s and 70s, I grew up with some material security, but a lot of other things went wrong, so I did not have a safe foundation.
That was what I was looking for.
– as is absence of lies and pretense and manipulation and control and abuse.
– as in absence of expectations, again manipulation, guilt tripping, projecting, gaslighting, neglecting and again, abuse, violence…
Pause from seeking, from being driven to seek and seek and to run away and to try to find satisfaction and rest.

Matthew 11:28
Come to me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

And then, it also dawned on me that I am most likely not only not looking for what I think I am looking for, but also, that I am not going to find it without GOD.

Let me explain what I mean.

Yes, I have been looking for a new place for quite some time.

My main desire has been something quiet without any disturbances from neighbors or traffic or smoke coming in through my windows…

Firstly, it is impossible to know when you are renting something who will live there with you and if they will be fighting, playing the music too loud, smoking weed or having loud sex every day.
You cannot know.
And then when you have moved in, it will be too late and you will have to cope somehow or take up the discussion with them…
The situation you will be in entirely depends on GOD.
That’s why all you can do is pray.
I feel blessed in this new place and I am thanking GOD for it.
Just like I am thanking HIM for the job I have, which I have been praying and fasting for for a long time and fervently, as I have been praying and fasting and seeking GOD’s face for a new place to live, a new home.
But without HIM would I not only not have found it, also, it may have looked good and then something would have been wrong…

And secondly, I also realized that what I want is not what I really want.
Let’s stay with the house example.
Of course everyone would like more space and some nice aspects of the house / flat, something they really appreciate – high ceilings, wooden floors, blue tiles in the bathroom, a balcony, whatever it is for you, what you are really craving is normally the feeling it will give you and what it means to you or what you will value it for – the value, the feeling behind it…
In my case, I wanted a place that will give me peace, rest, where I can belong and where I feel safe.

In a way, we all have our “life themes”, some things we are always looking for, some deep needs and yearnings – safety is probably the biggest one for me.

I want to feel safe.

Because I hardly ever was safe in my life.

Not with my original caretakers, not with the spiritual leaders I had found, not with my career, not within my marriage, not in myself.

The only safety I have ever encountered and experienced in my life was GOD.

HE never changes, never lies, never leaves, never disappoints, HE is ALWAYS there, always loving, always truthful and faithful.

HE is what I am looking for.

In places and in people.

I am looking for people whom I can trust.

More often than not, it turned out I was wrong to trust this person.

I am seeking someone who is like JESUS – as a friend, as a spouse, as a mentor and spiritual father / mother, as my true, spiritual family.

And yes, I have certain ideas about it, what it might look like, how I will recognize them, which criteria they will have / boxes they must tick – like my “ideal home”…

But in a way, I know that I cannot know.

Especially when it comes to people, my judgement is not good, I literally do not know whom I can trust and how to know who to relate with or who to stay away from – so I will put this into HIS hands, just like I have concerning a job I can do and enjoy and a place where I can feel comfortable.

And I will let HIM do the picking and searching for me.

I will not do any seeking except seeking HIS face about what HE wants for me and from me.

And I trust HIM that HE knows what I need and who needs to be in my life.

I wish I had understood this earlier in my life – my life would have been very different!

But then again, that’s probably not what HE wanted for me, otherwise HE would have told me or shown me this earlier….

Matthew 6:33
But seek ye first the kingdom of god and HIS righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

That’s what I found, my friend.

What about you?
Have you discovered something about underlying desires or about seeking with GOD?
If so, you may want to share it with us?

I hope and pray that this will bless, heal and encourage you.
And that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life, that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you peace.

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