If you have ever been violated in any way, I am sure you will have asked yourself why this person has done this to you, why someone would do this at all?
Me, I have spent many years asking myself this question… and I am still learning, doing my best to understand violence even more.
What I found so far is that no matter what kind of violence or in which context the person is using it, the reason why they choose to violate another person’s space/ body/ time/ property/ relationship is that they have no better alternative, that they feel powerless and hopeless (and most likely also worthless) in this situation, perhaps even in general in their life.
Think about it for a moment – let’s look at an example – shall we take a drastic one?
A man who rapes a woman, forces her to have sex with him.
Would he do that if he had a good set of skills to seduce a woman?
Or if he was able to find arousal and satisfaction in “normal” sexual encounters?
If he was able to love, to emphasize and to feel?
And if he could understand how hurtful his behaviour is and how damaging, would he even consider doing it?
I think we all agree that the answer to all these questions must be a resounding “no!”.
Ok, let’s have a look at some more examples:
When someone is “stealing” your time.
That one friend or family member or mere acquaintance whom you can never escape, who needs so much attention and advice and help, who is calling you all the time and never wants to leave you alone.
Do you think they have a lot of other people to go to?
Or if they don’t even realize that they are getting on your nerves, do you think they have (had) a lot of healthy relationships where they were given feedback and had the opportunity to learn how to read social responses?
And do you think they really want to be a burden?
Do you think anyone does?
Or wars in the old days…
To conquer more land / enlarge the kingdom… what for?
I mean, this is mutual for both kings involved – a very common mental disorder amongst kings in the old days – if you will put it this way (I would 😉 ) – to attack before the other one will attack first…
And women do it, too!
The more I look at it, the more I see that it doesn’t, that it CANNOT come from a place of wholeness or fulfillment or happiness or contentment.
Why would you even crave what is someone else’s – especially if they are unwilling to give it to you?
Don’t you have to be truly desperate for love and physical touch in the first place to even CONSIDER forcing someone to give it to you?
(Or their time or their money or their property or anything that is theirs)
If you were whole, you would not act from a position of lack.
And that’s where our capacities come in.
That’s where I can understand why JESUS said love thy enemies and pray for them.
Because they are lacking!
In a way, to be the victim automatically implies that we are privileged, that we have more than the perpetrator, that we have something they need, want, crave – “something” they must take from us.
I am not saying that it is easy or pleasant to be a victim and that violence doesn’t hurt – I am not saying that.
But I am saying that the perpetrator is worse off than the victim.
Not only regarding the position / causes / backgrounds or motives they are coming from… also regarding the consequences.
Imagine a drug addict for instance, who is stealing in order to fund their habit, in order to get the next fix which they NEED.
If this person was stealing your purse for instance, of course this would be annoying and hurtful and would cause a lot of inconvenience to get all your papers back and it would most likely also rip a hole in your pocket, perhaps even put you in financial trouble.
BUT – if you consider who is worse off, there is no question that the person who is living this way, having to steal, being so driven by their addiction that there is nothing else they can do but to steal they’re the ones who are miserable – and then, they might even be sent to prison for stealing, which is not going to make their life any easier…
The same goes spiritually.
There are lots of spiritual perpetrators and violators out there.
Starting and all stemming from the devil himself.
When you look at his plot to deceive Eve in order to damage mankind forever… just out of hatred, envy, because of his pride… can that be a healthy place where he came from?
He was an ANGEL!
The most beautiful angel.
But he was still lacking!
It was still not enough for him.
He wanted to be more, wanted to be the only being in the universe who was and is more than an angel – he wanted to be GOD.
That’s mere insanity!
Imagine how his envy and his pride must have eaten him up inside – and how it still does…
And when you look at his servants, this is how you recognize them:
They ALL want to be more or have more than they do.
The satanists / New Agers/ gurus / (oc)cultists – they want your adoration, your money, your devotion, your time, they want to be listened to, looked up to, followed, adored, admired… and they would tell you anything, any lie… just like the devil told Eve…
They want to steal your blessings, your joy, your peace and in the end your soul.
They are nothing else but spiritual criminals!
They not only want to make your life miserable, but to lead you into eternal damnation.
And they are even feeding the system of marginalization we have all over the world.
They are PROMOTING lack!
Drugs, alcohol, pornography – by feeding our fleshly desires, the enemy fools us into believing we are lacking, that we need MORE (of whatever!) and that we need to go and get it.
That’s how an addiction is created, how morals are being corrupted, how people are fooled into believing they have a right to take what they want from others.
And then, looking down on others who are “worse”.
Not opening our eyes to the fact that we are ALL sinners.
Trying to make us believe that we are better than others.
That others are the criminals, the bad ones… and that criminals are no good and need to be locked up and punished.
Thy stir us up, feed our fear and try to make us blame and hate and condemn.
I am not saying that I am against prisons – but only until we have a better idea, a more successful way of rehabilitation.
Putting people in prisons alone is not going to help them, will not change them.
What else could we do?
Shall we look to the WISEST ONE?
THE ALLKNOWING GOD?
What does GOD do?
With sinners and trespassers, adulterers, idolaters, fornicators, thieves, liars…?
If they repent, HE forgives them no matter what they have done.
And HE loves them!
Have you ever sinned, my friend?
I know I have.
Before being saved and after as well.
And GOD has forgiven me.
Has even saved me from the consequences of my sins.
Has healed me, held me when I suffered…
Has loved me.
The more HE has kept loving me in spite of my shortcomings, violations and “crimes” (mainly moral ones, not real ones, but still), the more I can relax… the more I can fill my tank… the more I can love myself without needing love and approval from anyone… the more I can GIVE without needing to get anything in return… the more HE loves me, the more whole I become.
And I believe this is the only way of helping, healing and countering and fighting violence: love.
Love has many forms and I am not claiming that a rapist (for instance, to stay with one of our examples above) will be cured instantly when he finds a woman who will love him, but I do think that it can help this very person when they are being listened to, respected as a person and not seen as a criminal or a rapist or a “hopeless case”.
Me, I have tried for many years to see the despair behind the violence – any violence really.
And the more I can do that, the more I can be at peace with that person – no matter what they have done.
What are your thoughts on this, my friend?
I hope and pray that this will inspire, bless and heal you. And that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life. That HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you peace. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.
If you have not given your life to JESUS, please do not wait!
You can do so right here and right now.
Here is an example of what you can pray in your heart right now, if you want to make JESUS LORD over your life:
“Dear Heavenly Father, I acknowledge and confess that I have not lived my life for YOU to this day, but have been living for myself and in sin and that is wrong. Please forgive me of all of my sins just as I forgive others. I need YOU in my life; I want YOU in my life.
I recognize the completed work of YOUR only begotten Son JESUS CHRIST in giving HIS life for me on the cross, I believe in my heart JESUS is LORD and that HE was raised from the dead and ask for YOUR forgiveness, which YOU have made freely available to me through this sacrifice.
Come into my life now, LORD!
Take up residence in my heart and be my KING, my LORD, and my SAVIOUR!
From this day forward, I will no longer be controlled by sin, or the desire to please myself, but I will follow YOU all the days of my life. Those days are in YOUR hands.
I ask this Jesus name.
If you have just prayed this prayer, you are now part of GOD’s kingdom and family and I heartily welcome you, my dear brother or sister!
The next thing to do is get a bible and find a church where you can receive further instructions, so that your new life in THE LORD may prosper and that you will become who HE made you to be.
GOD bless you and if you have any questions or need any assistance, please get in touch.