some of you who may read my posts regularly will have noticed that I fell recently… and some of you may have judged me – as I may have judged you as well if I had read the very same story about you… I even lost a follower when the first post about my “sinful activities” came out – I cannot blame them!
Or some of you may have sympathized and remembered a time when they had sin in their lives or weren’t able to resist the temptation.
Me, I think sin or temptation and also a failure to always be holy is part of our lives as Christians and that’s why I didn’t hide it, but wrote about it here.
I think we all sin and my blog or the goal I have for my blog is to bring out things which are not talked about a lot within our congregations and yet, they are very common.
I believe part of the power of the enemy over us comes from certain things and issues being in the dark, not being brought out into the open, not being spoken about.
Some of them have to do with the kingdom of darkness (as in people being demonized for instance and in some churches, you will even get thrown out for the belief that Christians CAN have demons!).
Me, I came here to talk about these things which can’t be talked about.
Even if they don’t make me myself appear in a good light…
This blog is not so much about me, yes, it’s about my life and my experiences with GOD (and people and supernatural things), but not about my goodness or greatness or perfection – but about HIS!
Me, I am human.
And I did.
So did some of you.
This one was a big one.
It went completely wrong.
At least that’s what it looks like at the moment.
It looks like I made a big mistake – and I have repented and asked MY FATHER for forgiveness – and I have ended this ungodly liaison.
What there always is, is there is so much to learn from it, from everything really…
In our walk with THE LORD, when we are in communion with HIM, connected, talking to HIM and listening, there is always so much to learn and we always benefit from everything that is happening in our lives.
That’s one of the main things which differentiates us from unbelievers.
At least that’s what I believe.
That everything is for our good.
In the end…
Yesterday, when I was crying and asking GOD why I had done this, why HE had let me do this, even though I had prayed and fasted and asked HIM to bring a godly man into my life, a future husband, someone who would love HIM first and foremost, but then also love me according to HIS principles and in the way HE has meant for us to be loving each other as husband and wife – I was asking HIM why HE didn’t give me enough strength to resist this temptation if that’s all it was, a temptation coming from the flesh and from the enemy or both… why HE had let me be deceived that this bears the seed of something good, something eternal, something pure in it… and now, it looks as if it was just a filthy, cheap episode which made me lose my holiness and the purity I had gained and the cleanness I had worked so hard and so long for… I was beating myself up, accusing myself, blaming myself, at the same time, I was seeking HIS face, I was asking for reasons, for comfort, for wisdom…like I said, I was crying and crying out to GOD and I opened my bible and I opened it to Ecclesiastes 3
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth?
10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12 I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life.
13 And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God.
14 I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
16 And moreover I saw under the sun the place of judgment, that wickedness was there; and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there.
17 I said in mine heart, God shall judge the righteous and the wicked: for there is a time there for every purpose and for every work.
18 I said in mine heart concerning the estate of the sons of men, that God might manifest them, and that they might see that they themselves are beasts.
19 For that which befalleth the sons of men befalleth beasts; even one thing befalleth them: as the one dieth, so dieth the other; yea, they have all one breath; so that a man hath no preeminence above a beast: for all is vanity.
20 All go unto one place; all are of the dust, and all turn to dust again.
21 Who knoweth the spirit of man that goeth upward, and the spirit of the beast that goeth downward to the earth?
22 Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?
I don’t know about you, but me, I love this chapter!
I hardly normally post entire chapters here, actually, I don’t think I ever have, but this one is so rich, so full of wisdom, comfort and of everything we need so desperately, of everything which sustains us.
I have read this chapter many times.
And yet, this is what I normally encounter with GOD – I come to a place in HIS word where I had been before, read something I read before, but this time, it is different.
This time, it speaks to me in a different way, it speaks to me.
As if it was put there for me and for me personally and for me in my specific situation.
I am sure it has happened to you as well, my friend?
This is one of the ways GOD speaks to us – through HIS word.
And yesterday, I heard a lot and got a lot out of this chapter.
Some of it I can share:
First of all, time isn’t for GOD what it is for us.
I have experienced this many times!
When HE says HE has done something for us, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it will show in “our realm” immediately – sometimes, it takes a lot of what we perceive as time, a lot of time in our thinking or in our concept of it, until what GOD has promised us is visible, tangible, has “come through” – from the spirit realm, where we had it in the same moment when HE said HE had given it to us – to our realm, the physical realm, where we can see things and touch them and other people, too, can see and touch them, whereas in the spirit, not everybody can see, many people can’t see in the spirit at all and many people won’t be able to see the same things we see at the same time even if they have spiritual eyes, they will most likely not have the exact same visions with us – at least not all the time…
Another one is what I said earlier that HE will use everything for our good and bring everything to the outcome that it will be a blessing.
For us AND for others normally.
And in ways we ourselves wouldn’t even have been able to imagine.
Some of the blessings I received from this “episode” are already here now, very tangible and real and detectable for me – they are physical healings and strangely enough, this what seems to have been an entirely immoral and sinful fleshly reunion with a man I am not married to (and at this point it definitely looks as if I will never, ever be married to this man!!!), has freed me from a lot of the sexual, black magic attacks I had been under every single night for almost 8 years now.
This is something which blows my mind!
How can something which seems to be wrong defeat something which is obviously from the devil?
How and why does GOD allow a spiritual hedge to be restored by or through a sinful act?
Why can this man be my covering even though we are relating to each other (or better were!) in an ungodly way?
To be honest with you, I have no idea.
The only hint I have is this having to do with my intentions. And my intentions were (and still are) to make this a godly relationship and to keep it for the rest of my life.
I seem to have been the only one with this intention though.
At least that’s what it looks like at this point – or let me say that’s what it looks like to me currently.
Could it be that MY FATHER is honoring my intentions even if the other person didn’t have anything godly in mind or on their heart? Or perhaps I am mistaken and they do have godly intentions, only do I not have the right skills to ask them in a way which would make them comfortable in revealing their heart and their plans – or perhaps do I not have the patience to wait until they are ready to?
(Btw, I have asked him to pray about us and to speak to GOD about me and he says he is doing that all the time… and yet, there are seemingly unovercomeable obstacles, at least do I not know how to overcome them!).
I don’t know what this is and why this is what it is, how it can have some positive fruit when it looks like a corrupt tree – I don’t know!
And this takes me to Ecclesiastes again…
Where it says that HE hath made everything beautiful in HIS time (verse 11)…
And where it says that whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.
15 That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past (verse 14 and 15).
I don’t know what is going to come out of this.
I still have faith in GOD and in HIS promise.
I do not see any of that in my life at this point of my life.
But this is not the first time I am in this situation.
In fact, I have been in this situation many, many times in my walk with GOD.
And I even do not really doubt HIM anymore.
I think I learned to more listen to what HE says than to what I can see or touch.
So I believe HIM for this man to become my husband.
The thing is, it may not happen now… it may not even happen soon…
GOD didn’t give me a date when HE promised it to me.
In fact and to be honest with you, me personally, I have never received a promise from GOD with a date on it… sometimes HE would take me somewhere where it says that HE will hasten or quicken, then I know it won’t be long… but HE never said to me in so many days or in that season or anything which could be related to a time -frame, not even an idea of it….
Sometimes, it even took years until something came to pass or until I understood that something I was seeing and touching at this very moment is actually something GOD has promised me long ago…
And when I was praying and wondering and pondering about these things even more, the scripture about the secret things came to my spirit…
The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of this law.
And I must admit that I still have no idea…
About why this has happened, why now…
About when GOD will make it beautiful…
About what this is or was in the spirit realm exactly, that it freed me from this evil attacker, whom GOD had allowed to tantalize me for so long…
About why it didn’t come through to a positive ending at this point in time…
About why my body has been healed and restored during this encounter…
All I know is one more time that I am in HIS hands, we all are.
And some things, only HE knows.
When HE decides, we will know as well and then, they are ours.
Before that and until then – they are secret and belong to HIM.
In my life, there have been many things which were completely unfathomable and secret and unexplainable to me – until GOD revealed them and now, they are part of me, of my understanding, of my knowledge, of my wisdom – when I think of examples, mainly supernatural things about the spirit realm or for instance about demons and how they operate, or some others things about the kingdom of darkness, things I was completely unaware of, things I had even no idea they existed and now, they are “normal” for me, because GOD has revealed them to me and now, they are “mine”.
And I think we can all relate to this when we remember how we got saved and how our entire reality and understanding of life changed through the revelations which come with salvation…? And with the knowing that JESUS is alive and with us today as HE was when HE lived in the flesh in Israel…?
How about you, my friend?
What is something you can remember, a secret thing which GOD has revealed to you?
I hope and pray that this will inspire, heal and bless you. And that THE LORD will bless you richly in all areas of your life, that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and give you peace. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.