not sure how to begin this time… maybe I should tell you how I thought of writing this particular article?
It was while I was reflecting on what GOD is doing in my life right now… how HE is healing some very old and deep wounds of mine, how HE is restoring some dead areas of my life – literally! – bringing back to life what had died and restoring what had been lost, even reviving me more than I had ever been alive…
And I was thinking if HE had done this before.
Of course HE has.
It is what HE does.
It’s THE core and main thing HE does and gives to everybody whom HE chooses and loves:
Healing from death – from all sorts of death, from spiritual death and also from physical death (partly and total).
When we get saved, all of us have in a way the experience of an awakening, of new life, of restoration, new birth – in so many ways…
It never ceases to amaze me how and where HE has and is doing it for me, in my life.
There are many things I have experienced, but some of them never with HIM – and that makes them completely different, even though they are the same in a way.
There are things HE restored because I asked HIM to and some HE restored and I had had no idea that they were dead.
Things I had done in my life, but not known the difference between doing them “my way” or doing them with GOD and in THE LORD.
Particularly and as an example, I am talking about falling in love with a man.
I have fallen in love with a man before, I was even married – but not with GOD, not as a believer, not as a woman of GOD, a daughter of THE MOST HIGH.
So I met this man.
And we have been seeing each other for a little, tiny while only… and yet, THE FATHER is taking me through all I have experienced in the past, only that HE is showing me how it is when HE has sent the man and HE is proving me every minute of every day that love can be different and HE is showing me how I can let go of all my old “issues” this time.
This not because this man I met is so perfect – he is in a way, he is very mature and deep – even though he is so much younger than I am, in many ways, he is wiser and deeper and a lot more skilled and experienced than I am – but that is not the point…the point is that it is not only him and me, but THE FATHER is in this and I have seen miracles during this short time, signs, have heard from GOD, have even heard from HIM through this man when he has told me things I had not truly known, only sensed a little, when he had confirmed things I had heard before from THE HOLY SPIRIT…
And it is GOD who is taking me through, who is calming me down, who is giving me hope when I want to throw in the towel, when I want to run away from this love.
I am panicking a lot!
If you had been through what I have been through, you would, too.
I am not even an anxious person in general.
I mean, I’ve done so many things other people or other women would be scared of.
One is I work in prison!
And even many of my colleagues are anxious whilst doing the job – not me, at least not in general, sometimes, I get a little uncomfortable, when one of the guys tries to intimidate me a little in order to manipulate or condition me (many of them try that with all of us, and the main means they are using is either flattery or intimidation).
Plus, I traveled the world, mainly alone, lived in many foreign countries, always went everywhere I went in the world alone – and yet, the most scary area or country or territory or “job” to enter or to travel to is intimacy with another person, isn’t it?
Well, for me it is.
I panic when someone is getting close to me.
Probably not only because of what I have been through, but also because it means I have no control.
Yeah, one can be in total control of pretty much all the circumstances of one’s life, but only if there is no other person playing a major part in it.
This is basically what GOD has taught me over the years since HE has saved me (almost 4 years now) – and of course, I am still a work in progress.
But what I have learned is that as soon as I give HIM the control, give an area of my life or an issue over to HIM, surrender completely to HIS will, HE makes something beautiful and whole and healed out of it.
My career for instance.
The enemy bombed it apart (and I let him) when the darkness had taken me over almost 8 years ago (and partly even earlier).
GOD used EVERYTHING, everything I had, everything I knew, even everything the enemy gave me – and turned it around for my good and now, I currently have a job which I love, love, love – I am even sad to leave soon in a few days for a better one, I can’t even believe it will be better there – and yet, I know it will be, because I am being obedient and going to where MY FATHER has told me to go…
Anyhow, this one is about relationships.
And I think I said it before, not only does this man make no mistakes whatsoever – never, ever!! – which is not even possible – and even though I do make so many of them!!! – but also, GOD is taking me through.
In a way that HE is making very, very clear that everything is different when HE is in control, when HE has initiated this.
Even compared to what the last man did (whom I have not truly interacted a lot with because he did behave soooo not like a man of GOD would!) and this one is even trying to have a “comeback” very hard, which only puts him in situations where he has to witness that I have now been gifted something better – and he is not taking it very well, surprise, surprise.
I mean, you may think I am completely crazy, but me, I now know that I am going to be this man’s wife.
I don’t even know if he knows yet – but I believe he does.
At the same time, I know that it is completely up to him when that will be and how and when he will ask me.
Yet, I know that he will.
Not because he said it.
It’s because GOD said it.
Because MY FATHER told me.
HE has literally told me:
“Behold, I have delivered him into thine hands. He is yours to keep.”
This is what I heard.
And as clear as a bell.
And if you remember my story about how I lost my job and then got it back and how THE FATHER brought me through…
(When HE said to me “I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it.” from Revelation 3:8 and when HE had repeated these words over and over throughout the entire process of appealing against the vetting decision for more than 3 months, even when my appeal was rejected and THE HOLY SPIRIT told me to write another letter to appeal against the outcome of the appeal! – you can read the entire article here)
If you remember how bad things looked back then and how unlikely it was that I would work in this field… and yet, GOD was faithful!
And it is even SO much like the nature of MY FATHER that HE would bring me together with my husband, with the love of my life – through this very job…
This is not about sin.
It’s about faith.
I trust GOD that HE will turn this sinful situation into something beautiful.
I believe that we have a task together.
Not only to love each other with a divine and unconditional and everlasting love, but also to bring about something great to glorify GOD.
I can detect traces or seeds of that communal task… one of them is that this man has started a charitable project where he brings water to villages in Africa – he has been working on this and funding this alone so far… me, I have also done charitable things, found a job where I can work for THE FATHER full time, do my best to reach people here in this blog with topics they do not normally hear about in every church, to help them get free… and it has always been in my heart to do some kind of “good”, to have a “project” together with my man – even long before I became a believer.
I went to a workshop for Christians about marriage a few weeks ago (don’t even know why I went there, but I believe THE HOLY SPIRIT wanted me to learn things there for my future and I did!) – and one of the speaking pastors said it is when you meet someone and you realize that you have a mission together – then you know that it is GOD who brought you this person and that differentiates them from someone who may not be the right godly partner for you.
Well, can we agree that a mission we share together with a believer, that could be anything or many things – and perhaps that was even what mislead me about the “other man” I had just met, because he, too, had told me about what he was planning to do… but in retrospect, I can see that this other one was planning even that for himself and NOT for GOD.
He said that he wanted to start his own church.
He loved preaching and quoting scripture.
And in the bible study I attend in my workplace, he likes to lead and do his “pastor role”… I have been alienated by it for a while now, especially since I learned what he is like “in private”. But the funny thing is, that he is getting more and more opposition from the group as well.
He was talking a lot about what he knew and what “the holy spirit” had told him.
Him, he, his… all he ever really talked about was him…
The other one, “my one”, the one THE FATHER chose for me, he is listening.
And asking questions…trying to find out who I am, also disclosing about himself, yes, but he is very carefully making sure that there is a balance and that we are both giving and receiving information.
He is about reciprocating.
The first one was about dominating.
He wanted to be admired.
Like a little boy – compared with a man (even though the first one is probably older in biological age, not much, but a few years I guess.)
In comparison, this one is looking so pale and so extremely boring and I can’t even believe that I even considered him – not when I look at what I got now –
Sometimes, it is SO great not to get what we may want and instead get what we need, what OUR FATHER has for us.
Like I said, this situation in my life is about faith.
There is even a bit of logic in it already.
Why would a man who is soooo hot looking and so incredibly attractive, funny, smart and, yes, sexy – why would this man go to so much trouble to date a woman who is so much older – only to conquer her and then break her heart after a little while?
Or would it have to be a spiritual connection he has with her in order to completely overlook the age difference and ignore all the younger women who are courting him – only to pursue this one – in spite of all her panic and resistance?
I will leave it up to you to decide and I don’t know if you have ever been in a situation where GOD said something and it didn’t really make a lot of sense, at least not at first… or it even looked as if you were making a fool out of yourself?
Like me at the moment.
Consecrating myself, fasting, fighting and praying, living like a nun and doing spiritual warfare against lust and black sex magic for many years – only to enter a “unlawful” relationship with someone I am not married to.
Yet, the attacks I have been under for almost 8 years now, they are getting weaker and weaker. And when he is present, there is complete silence…
Last week, one night, I slept through for 7 hours.
I don’t know what this means to you?
Me, I have not slept through for one night for almost 8 years.
Except the one last week.
I have been attacked and woken up and have been sent satanic dreams all night long ever night for almost 8 years now.
I didn’t even truly remember what a good night’s rest feels like…
Me, I don’t believe that the timing is a coincidence.
I believe it means that I am covered by him now.
Why would I be under his spiritual protection, why would he be my covering, why would GOD allow him to be and why would the enemy and his agents accept that he now has authority over me even though he is not my husband (yet) – if we had not become “one flesh” in a godly, valid matter, if it had “just” been a sinful connection, why would it effectively ward off the attacks of the enemy?
It reminds me a bit of giving away an offering that you can’t really afford – only because you are believing GOD to bless you abundantly financially – and you want to show HIM and demonstrate your faith.
That’s what I am doing.
I am trusting GOD.
I am listening to what HE has been telling me regarding this man.
And I do understand the sinful appearance of this – me, if I were you reading this, wanting to live a holy life, to be obedient to GOD and to follow his commandments, I would probably also think “she is fooling herself, justifying her fleshly lusts, trying to defend her weakness”.
I am not your judge and you are not mine.
JESUS will judge us.
And I am not even denying that this feels soooooo good.
At the same time, I know that sin is still sin even if it feels good and that our feelings are not supposed to be our guides in life, that they are even more our stumbling blocks.
Yet, I perceive this as a gift from MY FATHER and I am so happy and blessed about it, that submitting to this man even though he hasn’t yet asked me to marry him feels sooooo good and so right and is so much fun.
If you knew me, you wouldn’t believe that I would ever even be able to submit to a man.
Yet, it is easy with this one and that, too, shows me that he must be for me, because submission has never been my forte, never even been possible for me – and this time, it is what I want to do.
What a gift!
All good gifts come from above, from THE FATHER’s heart.
I have learned to listen.
To hear HIS voice.
To have faith.
This is going to turn into something that is not only feeling good and looking so unbelievably beautiful in the spirit realm and on the inside, it will also look beautiful on the outside for everybody to see, we will bring forth fruit, we may even encourage and inspire others not to look towards outward appearances or criteria (like age), but look for spiritual compatibility and for divine connections instead…?
Will there be times when it will look as if I am wrong?
Will it be always easy?
But I trust GOD.
HE is faithful.
And HE said that this man is mine to keep.
And HE will do it, even against this man’s will if necessary.
Me, I don’t need to worry about anything, not even about what this man is telling me (or not telling me).
All I need to do is to ask GOD and to listen to HIM.
Because HE has brought us together and joined us.
And HE will also justify us as a couple.
In JESUS name.
Dear friends, regardless of if you believe that I am right with my perception (or fooling myself), I want to invite you today to look beyond what you see…
Perhaps not in my case – and I fully get if you are unwilling or unable to follow my conclusions for myself, I really, truly get it! – but in your own lives?
Has there been something or is there something perhaps that you believe GOD is leading you towards, something you believe HE wants to give you and yet, it almost looks as if you were going in the opposite direction?
Have you prayed about it?
Sought HIS face?
I want to encourage you today.
Please, dear friend, only do what YOU yourself hear from THE HOLY SPIRIT.
Follow HIS directions and HIS advice only.
NO matter what it is.
When GOD tells you to do it and to go there, do it, go there!
That’s my invitation for you today.
And I know that I will come back here with a testimony.
How about you?
Can you testify of something like that, something I was talking about here?
What my conclusion is regarding the headline is that GOD normally takes us through something which would seem wrong or would have been exactly what we had suffered from in the past ,only to let us come out differently this time.
HIS ways are not our ways.
HE is GOD.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
I hope and pray that this will inspire and bless you and that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life, that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you peace. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.