It’s a shame!

Dear friends,

one thing which is very significant about an attack from the enemy is that he will put you to shame.
This always happens and it is probably even worse than what he does to you itself, because the shame and the self-inflicted pain because of shame will last much longer than the pain from the offense itself.
He will destroy your reputation, will most likely make you do things you never thought you would have to do and you will be so embarrassed about what’s happened to you.

And if I would share everything I have personally experienced here, everybody would be too embarrassed to like or comment or follow…

It doesn’t matter if it is physical violence, which is such a good example, because usually, the victims of violence are ashamed of what has been done to them, take rape victims for instance.
WHY ON EARTH would a woman be ashamed or even feel guilty when a man has forced himself on her against her will?
HE is the one who did it and SHE is the one putting shame and guilt on herself.
Because the enemy wants her to and he has so much help from society.
Everybody is going to tell her that it was her own fault, why did she have to dress this way? Why did she go there where it happened – even if it is a public place, they will find something to blame HER for! – why did she agree to be alone with him?
Only in a very polluted and twisted world is this even possible, that someone who is getting violated has to defend themselves!

In my case, there was even such a veil of taboos and unbelief and “do not talk abouts” that it took me years to open up about what was happening and I wouldn’ t say I am open about it now, there are many persons or circles or settings where I would never talk about this, sometimes I may test a person I talk to for a long time until I trust them to be able to take a tiny portion of the truth I have been living in day and night – and I also feel I have to give people time to get to know me first, in order to understand that I have not completely lost all my marbles, but that I am telling them the truth, the real truth!

That was why I started this blog in the first place – so that people who are (perhaps not on the outside, but surely inside) completely isolated, have no one they can trust and talk to about this, so that they can at least find some confirmation on the internet and that they can learn that they are not alone and also, that there IS a way out and that this way is called JESUS CHRIST.

And please don’t think it was easy to start writing about these things, especially since I had still been suffering from them and had not been completely delivered, there was a big part of me which didn’t even want to put my testimony out there, not only because I had not been completely free when I did, also because of still being ashamed that this had happened to me, that I had been so stupid!
At first, in the beginning of all this, I was too angry and my writings came across as hysterical (this is not my first blog) and nobody wanted to hear what I was saying.
Then, I learned to be a bit more diplomatic – not too much though, for I believe compromising, tolerance for beliefs of the enemy and not speaking up is what got us and the church in so much trouble in the first place! – did my best to use language that would be understood and accepted by anyone and also, I had overcome my anger, even though people who are being harassed by witches do NOT have an anger issue, it is actually righteous anger they are feeling, because what is happening to them is WRONG and EVIL.
There is hardly anyone who will even understand what they are talking about, nobody who can help them and almost no one even believes them…
The enemy has it all under control.
Everybody believes what the devil wants them to believe and no one seems to want to dig any deeper.

I will give you another example:
the alien abduction victims.
Have you heard of them?
What do you believe about them?
Be honest, do you believe they are at least one sandwich short of a picnic?
You are not the only one who believes that!
But if you do some research, you will find out that they are victims of satanic ritual abuse and that they have been programmed, mind controlled and that these memories of alien abductions have been placed in their mind to cover intense abuse involving medical paraphernalia – go ahead, don’t believe me, if you really want to know the truth, do some research and you will find out!
PRAY about it if you are a Christian and THE HOLY SPIRIT will show you the truth!

Me, I knew that if I had told a psychiatrist or a therapist(since I was one myself!) what I was experiencing, they would have given me one of these jackets I can’t take off myself and I would have been locked up for a very long time… that was another reason why I was really, really careful before I came out and why I am still cautious.

Another aspect is that the enemy normally has evidence about your shame.

In my case, my offender, who abused and astrally raped me, penetrated my life, my body and my dreams for more than 7 years has millions of emails from me, horrible emails, emails where I threaten to kill him, emails where I verbally cuss at him and also emails where I tell him I love him and try to seduce him – nobody who has not experienced this can imagine what it is like to have someone inside you day and night and there is nowhere you can go – I even tried running away to the other end of the world, but of course, there is no escape from a witch, it is a spiritual chase and there is no geography in the spirit realm.
I didn’t have the means and skills to respond spiritually, not until I found JESUS CHRIST, so I responded carnally, in the flesh and with real words.
I am still in danger because of this, always will be and I wish I had not sent him one single word, but what can I do, it is what I did, I was so desperate and frustrated and I didn’t know what else to do – besides, this compulsion to write was so strong, it was part of all the spells, I was unable to control it and to refrain from sending any emails.

I didn’t know what I know today.

I am still glad, because many people are forced to stay in this prison for the rest of their lives, and many end up in a mental institution, in jail or commit suicide – I was pondering all of these options, I truly was!

Today I know that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal!

2 Corinthians 10:4-5
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)”
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

I literally didn’t know what to do before I got saved, I had not experienced so much cruelty and wickedness ever in my life.
All I knew was that nobody would believe me or help me, that there was no police or court I could go to for justice… this and then the fact that I never, ever slept at night… I don’t know if you can even imagine the agony I was in- in fact, I have still not slept through for even one night for more than 7 years now, but I got used to it.

When these things first start to happen, literally the ground is falling from under your feet!
Nobody can know what this is like unless they have been there!
I had been a therapist for many years, had heard so many stories from clients, had went through their trauma with them in order to help them find a way out, had cried with them, had felt their pain – but this was like nothing I had seen, heard or felt before!

And my heart goes out to those who are experiencing this and especially to those who may never, ever find the truth and find what I have found:

Because I was a zombie and dead and I am not even speaking metaphorically when I say that, I was not living, I was only existing… until JESUS came and started working on my case and showed me the truth and until THE HOLY SPIRIT taught me what to do.

And even once you know the truth it’s not easy to get help or to get free.

Not only will the attacks get more intense and more sophisticated the more you learn and understand. They will intensify and multiply! The devil will also do whatever he can for you not to find help, but make sure you only land in the hand of more of his agents. And believe me, he will use everyone he can to make your life harder in all areas!

When I got saved (online), I thought all I had to do was find other Christians.



I was a baby Christian and I was SO surprised when I found out what was going on in the churches and what “so-called” Christians were doing to live for CHRIST – it’s only been a bit more than 3 years, but some “Christians” I have met, I am still wondering what they are doing for HIM or even with HIM other than going to church on Sundays and the rest of the week, they are even more sinful and less holy than so many unbelievers I have seen… and don’t get me wrong, I am not judging them, I am only saying this because it was so shocking for me and because I learned very quickly that nobody who said they were a Christian wanted to pray with me or talk about JESUS or study the bible together – not even in the “Christian” Community where I lived for a while – in fact, what I saw there was so much worse than in most other places I had lived together with others….

What was I supposed to do?

Luckily, THE HOLY SPIRIT gave me wisdom and didn’t let me open up to many people, in fact, I can count the ones who know the entire story or even the name of my offender on one hand!

And unfortunately, I believe this is even necessary today and that is so sad.

It is a crying shame!

We are all supposed to fight against the viles of the devil TOGETHER!

And there is still so much stigma around his plots. And ignorance.

I mean, you may be as indignant as many people now when you think of the example of physical rape or abuse… but spiritual abuse or even demonization, black magic or satanism?

Do you even believe in the devil or do you believe that witchcraft is real and works?

And if you do, do you believe that those who have gotten into the enemy’s claws, that it is their own fault, had they not sinned, they wouldn’t have been trapped, would not have opened the door for the enemy to enter them…?
If you are truly honest to yourself, is that not what you think?

Well, I can tell you one thing:




There is no reason whatsoever to look down on anyone for anything they have done!

What we should do instead, is help them.

The church is not much better than society and those who shout that the woman must have provoked the rape!

I mean it.

And I will tell you exactly why.

Because there are so many taboos in the church today and I myself was not able to find help within any of the many churches I visited.

Some of them even taught about demons and deliverance, but failed to help me and when I tried to talk about it with them, they either ignored me or didn’t respond or even tried to get rid of me…

It took someone from the other side of the world to find my blog and reach out to me until I finally had the prayer support I needed to get free from the darkness that had been plaguing me for many, many years.

A stranger.

And yet, this stranger and his wife were the only Christians I had met and I hadn’t even met them, yet they were the only ones who behaved like Christians, who behaved biblical – for the bible says we are to pray one for another, are supposed to support each other, help each other up – are we not?

So how come I didn’t get that prayer support in one of the churches where I went?
I made it very clear that I needed help!
And they made it very clear what they expected me to do, to say, which courses they wanted me to sign up for, what I had to wear and where I was supposed to sit.
And they also made it very clear that they didn’t care about my needs, let alone about any witchcraft done against me – or they even made it clear that in this church, Christians don’t have demons!
Only that they forgot to made this clear to the devil and to his warlock who has been attacking me…

Another scandal – and this is true! – during my search for help, a so-called deliverance minister refused to accept me as their client when I said something they didn’t like.
What??? Are you serious???
Yes, someone who is putting themselves out there to pray for people for free who are plagued by demonic attacks and then they choose to be “picking clients” like a shrink?
Even allowing themselves to get triggered?
Someone who has people manifesting demons and attacking them every day?
I doubt their qualification. And this is not what JESUS would have done!
I even doubt this person is truly working for THE LORD!

What a shame…

I still hope I will find a genuine and biblical and full gospel church where I can feel at home and where I can get help and prayer – and where I live, there are thousands of Christian churches and I am not exaggerating, yet it is hard for me to find a true and good one.

That’s a real shame, isn’t it?

So what can we do?

Well, me, I am obviously doing my best to put this stuff out there.

And you – I think you have already made a great start by reading up to here.

Thank you.

I mean it!

Thank you  – for my sake and for the sake of the brothers and sisters who also need help. And this is what we all need to understand –  all of us need help at some point.
And alone, we can’t make it.

When the enemy starts attacking you and you have not been trained at spiritual warfare, you will be so overwhelmed that you won’t be sure that your name is what your passport says it is – it is a level of destabilisation of your entire identity that it will take you a while to even understand what is going on, let alone can you even think of possible ways to deal with this – and then, if you have not been trained in spiritual warfare, there are no effective ways to deal with this you will come across and exploring other methods will also cost you a lot of time.
That’s why it is so important that we educate our brethren about this, IN the churches.
And that in the churches, the ones who are affected can get HELP.

The enemy is so highly organized and absolutely united against us. And if we don’t learn to stand together against him, we will not win this war.

At least that’s what I think – and I think the best start is to pray.

If you want to help, would you please pray – first for the truth and then ask THE HOLY SPIRIT to guide you what HE wants you to do next…

Usually, I end my posts with blessings to all who read this, but today I hope and pray that you will find a way to help and bless others who need to get free, I pray that you would be watchful and have the heart and courage to reach out more.
To reach out to your New Age Friends, who might be involved in the occult and might even experience spiritual abuse, reach out to your muslim colleagues, to the intellectual atheists you meet at parties (perhaps even at your own homes), to the women you see with yoga mats on the tube or to your female friends who are wearing crystals or charms around their necks or have a little saint statue in their car for “protection” – they are all spiritually in great danger and some of them may even be in great trouble!

But most of all, I pray that you will watch out for someone who may need help IN YOUR CHURCH, maybe someone who just walked in or they may be new or even coming for a while, but not fully integrated or they may even be fully integrated, but nobody really knows much about them – they may be fighting a war every day and every night  – you could even softly ask them if they would like prayer, without asking too many questions why???

I pray that you would do some research… perhaps even read about demonization or astral attacks here on my blog and then maybe even check out some of the further information I recommend there…

Would you be willing to be the help that JESUS asked us all to be, like the strangers who helped me, the true Christians who ministered to me, sadly not from my church, but from a different country on the other side of the world…?

Would you help to make the church, the body of CHRIST, a place of understanding, of help, of brotherhood and family? A place where people can be fed, ministered to, prayed for, helped and healed and delivered?

My prayer is that fewer churches would un-shame what GOD considers a shame – I am talking about homosexuality and false religion only to name a few! – and stop shaming what JESUS taught and DID – casting out demons or pray and fast against the enemy or both!
Where if not in the church should people find this ministry, which was one of the ministries of OUR LORD JESUS?

Are we not striving to be like HE was?

Was HE ever ashamed of someone who was demonized?

I don’t think that’s what HE taught.

What do you think, dear friend?

Do you believe that the devil is real?

Does your church?

Does anyone there ever speak about spiritual warfare?

JESUS and the apostles did…

7 thoughts on “It’s a shame!

  1. Keep shining sister!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Matthew 5: 14-16
      14 Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.
      15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house.
      16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.

      We all shine for HIM and only because of HIM.

      Thanks for cheering me on and praying for me, my brother.

      GOD bless you!


  2. I do believe the Devil is real, and that he is really busy spinning “church” webs to ensnare apathetic church goers… Every day, I thank the LORD for His protection from evil—which is increasingly all around us—and ask Him for discernment/wisdom. And even with few details, I believe your life testimony! 😇✝️🙏💜 Jackie@KWH

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much my sister.
      I really appreciate your appearance as a supporting witness for me before the court of GOD!
      Before a worldly court, I would never be able to prove my accusations, but GOD knows what really happened.
      I am glad that HE blessed you with wisdom and discernment as I believe they are so important in these times, perhaps the most important gifts from GOD.
      May HE continue to bless and protect you and your loved ones. In JESUS‘ name.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, dear sister ❤ Thankfully, God is the judge and HE is Truth! He knows our true heart and is our strength. He sustains us through dark valleys of wrongful claims via "church folk" etc… and He knows their heart, as well 😇🙏🎶✝️💜 Jackie@KWH

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So true, my sister!
        It’s so soothing and comforting to know that OUR GOD knows everything and that in the end, HE will judge them who wronged us.
        Inside or outside church, HE sees all hearts.
        But it is also very healing to hear when a sister (or brother) believes that we speak the truth.
        Thank you again, it means a lot. Let me know if I can ever return the favor and believe your testimony 😉
        GOD bless you!

        Liked by 1 person

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