Gangster Love

Dear friends

Question for those of us who haven’t been a Christian all our lives:
when you were in the world, yeah, did you have habits and rituals and places and people you were “cool” with – literally?

Of course you did!

WE did, didn’t we?

As we say here in the UK, innit?

These are the things which got me into trouble in the first place and the things which GOD had to purge out of me over the years of my walk with HIM.
I am talking about smoking cigarettes – not so much drinking anymore (!!), that had stopped a few years before I got saved – still smoking and listening to very unclean “gangster” music – not only gangster, also hiphop, soul, funk – however, as we all know, this music is speaking to parts of our soul that we don’t want to activate or “feed” or focus on as Christians.

It was hard for me to withdraw from this music.

For a few years, I didn’t even listen to Christian rap or Christian afrobeats as I didn’t want these old parts of me getting any attention.

The only contact I had with my old “gangster self” was through my “gangsters” in prison, the men I looked after – perhaps this is why I am able to relate so well to them, why they trust me and open up to me and let me speak to them – because they know that there used to be a part in me like them………..and I keep saying that the only difference between me and them is that I never got caught – it’s true, during what I call my “wild days”, there were some pretty dodgy and dangerous situations and “stuff” I did.

I am saved and sanctified and made righteous through JESUS’ sacrifice on the Cross.

But lately, I have been asking myself about this “old gangster self” of mine…..

I know that I had a hard time getting rid of the music and of the fascination with the rap culture including the music, but entailing so much more……

And I see it very often in prison.
This fascination with what isn’t good for us and what will keep us doing the stuff we no longer want to do……
As Paul puts describes it in Romans 7 the battle between the law and the flesh.
When I speak to the guys in prison or on the streets, I try for myself, as a ‘working theory’, to figure out how strong their fascination with the “gangster lifestyle” still is and how strong the part is that wants to stop and get out….. and I offer my interventions according to this judgement I make, according to which part I believe will respond best to my therapeutic efforts….. if the “old self” is still very strong and the new self still very weak, it makes no sense to work with the “new self”, as it will be a complete waste of our time and energy, for the moment this client walks away from me, the old self will completely overpower the new self including ALL the work we have done…..we are trying to create a balance, an alignment where ALL parts work together towards the same goal, not sabotaging each other!

But these are just some observations I wanted to add on a side note – I believe that’s what’s wrong with the entire support system, but I may discuss this another time.

Even recently, not too long ago, I found myself “secretly” still having some fascinations I myself think I should no longer have!
And I caught myself trying to hide them from GOD.

How ridiculous.

But I guess it’s part of our human nature.

As if GOD didn’t know that Adam and Eve ate from the forbidden fruit….. as if Cain didn’t know that GOD knew he had murdered his brother Abel……

And here’s what I realized:

As long as we are hiding aspects of ourselves from GOD, they cannot be changed / healed / released.

If I was married and I would secretly love someone else and would try to hide this love from my spouse, there would be no chance for them to help me overcome this, perhaps address what it is that I believe I can find in that other person which I believe I cannot find in them or what the need is behind this “forbidden love” that I feel is not met in my current relationship with my spouse.

Not condoning cheating here and also not saying you should always put all your needs and fascinations on the table with your partner all the time without working on them, but with GOD it’s different! HE will not be hurt or offended if we admit these “hidden” desires – HE wants us to expose these to HIM and I believe we can only offend HIM if we don’t. HE knows what’s in there, might as well let HIM help us clean it up!!!!

It does indeed remind me of the time when GOD told me to quit smoking cigarettes.

I did make a list of the benefits of smoking – I kid you not!
And that’s what I also do a lot with my clients who want to stop using substances.
Until we know exactly what this habit brings us, what we are getting from it, we won’t be able to stop for good!
Once we are able to identify the exact satisfaction we are after, we may be able to find alternative ways to get there, but before that, all our efforts will “just” rely on willpower and we are set up to fail!

So when GOD says HE wants us to love HIM with ALL our heart and all our souls and all our minds:

Luke 10:27

And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart,
and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength,
and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

I believe that’s what HE means!

Not only that we would put aaaallllll our “heart-strength”, meaning all the intensity of our love into loving HIM, but also that there should be no place in us loving someone or something else!

Friends.

I know many of you may find this obvious or may have learned this a long time ago, me, I just grasped the totality of it…..

And I will be more open and honest with GOD.

I will discuss these things with HIM, telling HIM about it, asking HIM for advice.

And last but not least, I will also “hang” with GOD the way I would with a “gangsta buddy”.

It may seem that I am not respecting HIM enough at first – but at second glance, it is my attempt of giving everything to HIM, all of me, all of my heart, soul and mind – and I believe HE will understand.
I even believe HE will respond – just as I am absolutely certain that GOD has a sense of humor, I also know that HE will respond to this effort of mine, probably in a way that will blow my mind…………..

How about you my friend, is GOD “your G”???
Or did you perhaps have a similar experience on your walk with HIM, that you discovered you had withheld an aspect of you from HIM and decided to “hand it over”, submit, let HIM into this area of you – and how did it go?

I hope and pray that this will inspire, encourage, heal and bless you.
And that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life; that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you PEACE. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.