Forgiveness – a different level

Dear friends

We all know that in order to prosper spiritually, we need to forgive all who wronged us.

Some of us need to work really hard in order to achieve this, and we are not getting there in a day. It is more like a process and especially when the person who has wronged us is not sorry for their behaviour, is not apologizing and perhaps not even stopping what they are doing which hurts our feelings, then it can become a daily task to forgive them.

Not only because we are meant to do it as Christians, but also because it is the only way to obtain peace for ourselves.

2 sayings are heard often and have helped me tremendously on my own forgiveness-journey:

  1. Someone said unforgiveness is like drinking poison and wanting the other person to die.
  2. I heard this first from Derek Prince, but my pastor reminded me in the sermon last Sunday: forgiveness is not a feeling, but a decision.
    So true!
    Just like love!!!
    You can be in love today and tired of your spouse tomorrow, and yet, you have promised to be with them “til death do us part”
    And GOD said that if we don’t forgive those who wronged us, OUR FATHER will not forgive us.

So that should be enough motivation to forgive everyone for anything they might have done to us.

If you’ve read my story a little bit, or perhaps my testimony, you will know that this satanist has harassed me spiritually / sexually and psychically for almost 10 years now and these demonic, black magic attacks have made me sleepless, given me nightmares every night, have made me physically ill and depressed, suicidal, desperate, isolated and of course very, very angry.
And yet, I have forgiven him.
Or to put it more accurately, I keep forgiving him every day.
Because he is still doing what he is doing to this day – satanists never give up, never change, never repent.
They must not, otherwise the devil will kill them.
The only way they could ever possibly stop what they are doing is if they would get saved by GOD, because HE is the only one who can defeat the devil, the only deity who is stronger than the devil, because HE created the devil as the devil used to be an angel before he fell (just a little history of the genesis of the kingdom of darkness).
So that’s why I feel blessed, because I know that this man and his “satanic crew” have been trying to kill me for almost 10 years now, but they can’t, because GOD wants me to live – for now, until HE decides that I should go.
And that’s how I survived all the attacks, all the spiritual and physical illnesses they have sent me – and they DO have a lot of power and they CAN cause a lot of harm – they have in my life!
But I have forgiven and I keep forgiving him and I pray for his salvation, for GOD to save him and to heal him and to bless him.
It is not easy.
And the only way I can forgive him is by reminding myself that I have to do it for myself and that GOD wants us to pray for our enemies and that HE is going to deal with them.
That GOD will avenge me and decide over these witches – not me.

Anyhow, this is just a short excursion about the basics and the “groundwork” for forgiveness – and it is just one example of some very hard and big forgiveness work I had to do in my life so far.

We all HAVE to do it.

It is hard.

And it is absolutely necessary.

NOBODY can be free and delivered without forgiving everyone and everything that has ever been done to them.

It is the first thing that comes up when you seek GOD’s face and ask THE HOLY SPIRIT to show you why you have not been delivered so far, why you are not growing spiritually and why your prayers haven’t been answered so far.

And since I have done a lot of work in this area, I was fasting and praying and asking GOD why I am still struggling with certain issues and why HE has not given me the power to overcome them yet or has not taken them away from me yet and still allows them to be in my life, THE HOLY SPIRIT has given me an instruction that I could at first hardly believe, but I heard it clearly and I want to share it with you now:

The instruction was that I must forgive GOD as well.

For not hearing my prayers up to now, for not showing up “enough” in my battles, not as much as I asked HIM to, as fast as I asked HIM to.

For not giving me more power to fight, to fast, to pray, for not giving me greater and faster victories so far.


I was very surprised at first.

I was even briefly wondering if this is truly GOD talking or the devil trying to get me to grieve THE HOLY SPIRIT and committing the unforgivable sin of blasphemy – but I know when GOD is speaking.

And it makes sense.

Because I have been holding grievances against GOD in my heart and in my spirit.

I have been struggling with HIS decision to keep me in some dire circumstances and not changing them for me.

If I am honest, I must say that I have been holding unforgiveness in my heart – against GOD!

And this has the exact same effect as having a grievance against any man.

Matthew 5: 23-24

23 Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee;

24 Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift.

Even the bible says it hinders our prayers and we are not supposed to come to the altar before we have reconciled with our brother.

Is JESUS not our brother?

Is “having ought” against GOD not even worse than holding a grudge against a man?

I was convicted, friends.

And I am frustrated sometimes when I look at some things that I still have to fight for or against.

That have not come through for me yet.

And I know that the only one who can make this happen is MY HEAVENLY FATHER.

At the same time, I am well aware that the times when HE hasn’t been granting me these requests have helped me grow spiritually.
At the same time on the other hand, I also know that it would be SO EASY for HIM to do it for me.

Just some honest struggles I am sharing here and I am wondering if any of you have been going through the same?

Well, who am I to be angry at GOD?

I will lie if I say that I am happy with where I am at the moment, but I am also grateful and glad about some part-victories I have been granted.

I believe when I come clean with GOD being GOD and me not being able or entitled to question HIM or criticize HIM or be angry at HIM, that will help me overcome any frustration about what has happened so far – or not.

And it will free space for more to happen, for more growth, more victory, more gratitude, more power to fight and to go forward.

I will give it a go and include GOD in my forgiveness practices – in fact, HE deserves it more than any human I have forgiven so far and will have to forgive in the future.
As HE loves me and I am sure I will understand one day why HE has let me go through what I went through – even if this day will not be during my life here on this earth, I am sure when I see HIM, I will understand how much love was behind this decision to NOT hear my prayers or not hear them now.

And I have decided to forgive GOD today.

I remember reading and article about Derek Prince, my favorite Christian teacher, speaking about when he had to get right with GOD after his second wife had been taken from him… couldn’t find the article again, but I remember that this impressed me deeply, that this Man of GOD, whom I admire so much, also had to overcome a time in his life when he was frustrated with GOD and he never lost his faith over it.

Well, I think this is one aspect that we mustn’t overlook.

Unforgiveness WILL and DOES give the devil a legal right to accuse us and to cause trouble for us.

And even if it is towards GOD, this may be the very thing, the very aspect why the enemy can keep attacking us and afflicting us and it may not even be GOD who is not helping us, but us who are not doing what we have to before HE can – due to the covenants we have been making…?

What is your take on this, my friend?

Have you had any issues with this?

Or have you heard from GOD about this?

If you have any thoughts or comments, please share below.

I hope and pray that this will inspire, encourage, bless and heal you.
And that GOD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life, that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you peace. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.

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