Dear friends,

when I see fruit, especially figs, I often think of the fig tree, what JESUS did with it… and also about fruits of the spirit, or I remember what THE LORD said about fruits

Matthew 7: 16-20
16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17 Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18 A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19 Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.
20 Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

When I look at my life, I get really frustrated when I look for fruits… perhaps someone who is really benevolent could see a little goodness in the job that I do… but other than that – negative.

And I come into situations often where I feel the eyes of the “world” (not as in the eyes of the whole world, but of some person or group looking at me and my life with worldly eyes) and they see nothing, perhaps even crazyness…
I was asked the other day by one of my colleagues if I was Amish when I said I don’t have a TV… and they do find me strange sometimes…
I’ve just tried to sanctify and purify my life… so far, it has made me quite isolated, because I am also not compatible with people who live a “holy life”, at least have I not found the crowd or group who would live a holy life the way I would… not in the Christian Community where I lived, not in the churches, and I visited sooooooooo many, they were either carnal and hypocrites, or religious fanatics, or shallow, or into “manifesting” almost, as if JESUS was a witchdoctor, similar to white-garment-churches… none of it made any sense to me so far.

And then the attacks… can’t even tell anyone about them, there is one pastor of one of the churches I used to go to, he is my best friend and he knows a lot about what I used to suffer from, and he can surely understand, but other people I know do not even know…
I tried to tell people I met every once in a while, but this mostly leads to alienation, so I stopped doing that… they are clearly “bad fruits” are they not – what does this mean?
Does it mean the enemy can bear fruit in my life???

It is as if I am between the worlds.

Or between the world and the kingdom.

And there are also no lasting blessings I could show so that everyone would know that GOD’s hand is on my life – nothing great, no miracles that would amaze people, nothing big really…   but a lot of evidence to indicate that I am not a child of GOD and being a Christian like me is not very desirable…

Ok, fair enough, I have only been a born again Christ for 4.5 years now…

But could it be GOD is still pruning me?

John 15: 2-8
2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
3 Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you.
4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
6 If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.
7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.
8 Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.

It’s true and I know that without GOD, I am nothing.

But with him, I am also nothing – so far.

At least in my opinion and in the opinion of “the world”.

What can I really tell or show people?

When I don’t have my own life together, when I am not healthy, losing jobs all the time, so many other things which are negative about me and my life and don’t look godly at all – nothing anyone could want, so that’s not going to attract anyone to the kingdom?

And what can I show myself?

Am I like withered branch or like the fig tree, withered away?

What about fruits of the spirit then?

I don’t even have to look the scripture up to know that I have none of them…

Galatians 5: 22-23
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

I don’t see any of them in me, none, nada, zero.

Not a good balance, nothing on the plus side…

Not that I want to go back, not at all!

The world doesn’t attract me anymore… not even parts of it…. but walking in the spirit and with GOD is also not easy, the peace and the stability HE is promising us is not there – at least not for me in my life – and HE never said we have to be all alone in the world when walking with HIM… not literally alone, but without true human companions who would want the same and who try to live the same life… I am not doubting there are people out there, Christians who love THE LORD and want to live holy lives, but where are MY ones?

I guess it’s tough sometimes.

And I do not want to go back to the world.

Especially not when I see results of too much worldlyness in my clients (offenders) every single day… some sort of over-worldlyness has gotten them in trouble – every single case is a result of fleshly, worldly desires, deeds, addictions, delusions, misleadings, confusion, mix-ups, it is so plain to see… greed, lust, addiction, violence, abuse, they are all perversions and outcomes of ungodliness.

Not that I don’t have those in me.

Perhaps that’s why I a not bearing fruit yet…?

But doesn’t the bible also say we are all sinners and all fall short of GOD’s glory?
So it can’t be necessary to be perfect and I know I am not and I won’t be.


Do you sometimes get frustrated about fruitlessness?

I saw this fig tree in “my park” today… bearing so many fruits, it is almost unable to carry them all…

What a life this must be…

This is truly a blessed fig tree…

I pray that GOD will let us all bear fruit and that our fruit shall remain…


John 15:16
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

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