I’ve been pondering a lot lately on my life – before and after I got saved.
On GOD’s blessings – the ones I received and the ones I wanted and did not get – yet…? And the gratitude I can give to GOD – and the gratitude I feel I am at the same time entitled to withhold. The general feeling of being grateful, which is sometimes so hard to have, a grateful heart.
When I feel that my life is too hard, especially too hard for a blessed child of GOD, for someone who is truly loved by THE FATHER.
And I am.
I know that HE loves me.
But sometimes, I believe my life should be better… don’t you?
What I thought a lot lately is that without GOD, everything is empty and meaningless. And I am wanting differently… not wanting if it is not what HE wants for me – although I may still desire change or things or certain circumstances in my life, I don’t want them at the same time if HE does not want them for me.
Not sure if that makes sense to you, my friend?
I have tried so many times on so many occasions to do my life “my way”, to reach goals, to come to conclusions and create solutions on my own… and I have not done very well in summary or in total.
And I learn more and more to give it to GOD, no matter what it is.
Not saying this is easy.
I am kicking and screaming.
And I go back and forth with wanting and giving it up – a lot!
At the same time, if GOD’s not in it, it is useless and will only cause pain and disappointment.
I think the pandemic is a good teacher in a way, as it reminds us all of how powerless and not in control we are – in regards to so many aspects of our lives… not just illness, also regarding the government rules we live under… and how much they have been dictating our lives, only that now, we can see it more.
What I thought a lot recently is that I have nothing but GOD and my faith.
Because if HE doesn’t change my life, it won’t change.
If HE doesn’t grant me what I dream of and pray for, I won’t have it.
If HE doesn’t spare me from the virus or any other disease, I will be ill.
Every minute, in every aspect of my life, I depend on HIM.
And I believe.
I believe HE is real.
I believe HE can do anything, nothing is impossible for HIM.
I also think that some desires we have are put in our hearts by HIM, so that we would pray and HE would give them to us – as a loving father does.
And I have been thinking about my faith a lot, have been thinking about the parable of the mustard seed and that I probably have too little faith…
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
And then, when I was walking yesterday, thinking about GOD and my life and what HE is doing (and not doing) in my life, guess what I found:
on the pavement.
A bag full of mustard seeds.
I took this as a sign from GOD.
And I took a picture for you.
And I took some home as a reminder…