Is (your) Vashti gone?

Dear friends

There’s one thing that came to my thoughts a lot recently…. it has to do with the old and the new.
We all keep asking GOD permanently to take away issues / pains/ challenges, to change our situation, to bring us better things, new “things”…. don’t we?

But do we actually play our part?

We’re not given much of a back story here, but from our own experience and our own relationships, would you agree with me on the assumption that there must have been a conflict brewing in the marriage of King Ahasuerus and his first wife, Queen Vashti – prior to the events described in the bible…?
I mean, if all things had been well with them, why would she have refused to come to his banquet when he called her?
Wouldn’t she even have been excited to go, keen to be invited, perhaps even waiting and hoping the King would call her?
And would she not have been aware of the consequences of her refusal?
She was a queen and that makes me think she was well educated and knew exactly what would happen if she refused to go – perhaps it was even her intention, her plan to be sent away by the King…?!
Something must have happened, the marriage probably wasn’t very happy for both of them.
At least that’s my interpretation.
Why else would you risk being “evicted” from a King’s Palace, risk to lose her marriage and the man she loved, but not only that, in her case, there was much more at stake – why would you want to lose your life as a Queen and all the privileges that come with it – there must have been a good reason!
She could have even lost her life for her disobedience!
She couldn’t have been sure of how The King would react and how the public and his advisors would push him to punish her…

Nevertheless, she did what she did and he reacted the way he reacted.

Sometimes, a conflict can help us clean up our mess.

I’m not saying that we should end every relationship with someone who doesn’t do what we want them to do, that’s clearly not what I am saying.
But this issue went far beyond not pleasing her spouse, this was a public disrespect of a KING and there was no way this would go unnoticed or unaccounted for, as this wasn’t just something small concerning their private lives, this was about her DUTIES AS A QUEEN and about his reputation as the Ruler of his Empire.

I believe there are things that are tolerable and negotiable, and in the end, everything is forgivable, at least in our hearts, but some things warrant a reevaluation of the relationship!
If a partner refuses to fulfill their duties – and I think the duties must be clearly stated, negotiated and agreed between the 2 – and if they have received notices and warnings and refuse to change, it is my interpretation that they actually WANT OUT of the relationship and there is nothing the other partner can do about it.
If they let them get away with it, it would mean that they would deny themselves and their needs.
If they let them change the rules, it would mean that they would be at their partner’s mercy and we all know what a bad idea that is to be at a person’s mercy, it opens the door to abuse and neglect and being taken advantage of, because we are all only human……..and mind you, the refusal to follow the rules is also a telltale sign for that there is no more love, let alone respect, at least not currently…. they KNOW what they are doing and that they are hurting their partner!!
And either they don’t care, or they want to play a wicked power game – both is not good.
Not good at all!

In the modern world, I would consider cheating or even having a “side piece” a similar, comparable situation.
When they got married, they both agreed to be looking after each other, financially, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Clearly, having an affair or even a relationship with someone else will definitely hurt their spouse.
The spouse now has to consider their options on how they should respond / react.
Perhaps they will also consult friends, pastors or other advisors……
They may have to end the marriage – the bible allows divorce when fornication or adultery is the cause!! – and protect themselves from further damage – if their spouse refuses to change.

Perhaps this was also an unavoidable thing for King Ahasuerus?

He would have completely lost his reputation and the respect of all his subjects in his entire kingdom, not only of the wise men, if he had left a public humiliation by his wife unanswered.

Also, he probably wasn’t in a situation where he got much support from his Queen. And although he was a King, we all need some kind and supportive words sometimes and some loving care given to us by the person who lives closest to us, no matter how strong and famous and powerful we are, we are all human beings with a heart and with a desire in our nature to be loved and accepted and supported.

As said before, we don’t really know how this conflict came about and what happened, but from what we can see, the relationship wasn’t working anymore.

However, the one with Esther, his Queen after he had sent away Vashti, was working very well!

So when King Ahasuerus had taken the decision to get a divorce and find a new Queen, he had actually looked after himself and his kingdom and had made room for a better life!

Again, the bible doesn’t say much about it, but I reckon that it wasn’t very easy for him to send his wife away and to decide on this process of how to choose better next time – as we know, they had brought beautiful virgins from all over the country and they had let them spend many months in the palace, being contained, observed, purified, consecrated and sanctified only for their potential queenship…

So we can see that there were measures in place this time to make sure the next wife would be more patient and obedient….but the main requirement was that there was SPACE for a new Queen, in the palace formally, but also in the King’s heart!

He had to make room before his new love could come and grow and flourish.

Also, it had been a few years after the breakup with Vashti, so hopefully, he had done some healing work…also assessing his part of the problem and how it had all gone so wrong……hopefully……

As we know, his new marriage was very successful and full of love, honesty and trust.

So in King Ahasuerus’ case, he came out better than before.

But I think we can all learn from this.
We need to make the decision to let the old go before the new can come.
We also need to listen to advice from “wise men”, ideally godly council, in our lives….and time, we need to take time to heal and investigate and assess well where we put our trust, whom we entrust with our heart, our dreams, our vision and goals……

I think that most of us have some sort of Vashti in our lives that needs to be sent away before Esther can enter the scene………..don’t you think?

An ex / a soul tie we are still attached to somehow, even if we’re not actively seeing them anymore…….
A love or fascination for the “old life” before CHRIST, that keeps the temptation nagging at us and prevents us from going “all in” with GOD……
A person, “bestie” (of the other sex)/ mentée/ protégée/ student that we let too close and this would repel a godly partner from getting involved with us…..
Or even habits that are ungodly and keep us in an “un-marriageable” status for a potential Christian spouse………….

And I am going to be honest, I think it’s very easy to see these things as red flags in other people, but perhaps we all need to do some soul searching for “our own Vashti”…..?!
I know I will!

How about you my friend, did you ever find any Vashti’s in your own life or in other people’s lives and did you manage to “evict” them?
Please share with us in the comment section.

I hope and pray that this article will encourage, inspire, bless and heal you.
And that THE LORD will bless you abundantly in all areas of your life; that HE will keep you and shine HIS face upon you and bring you PEACE. In JESUS’ name I pray. AMEN.